I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
