I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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