Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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