We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
