she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize