Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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