"it" just moved
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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