is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
