There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
