He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
