i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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