guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I FOUND THE LEGS
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
