I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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