does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
