matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
