I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize