just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
