cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
