Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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