This is not my ceiling
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
