Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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