also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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