is your mom at the bar?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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