What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
