Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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