I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize