Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
