oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
