Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
