Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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