I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
