I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
