Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
