If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
