I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
