a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
