If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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