you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
