the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
