after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
