God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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