Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
