then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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