Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
