So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
