No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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