I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
