Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
