Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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