just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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