Fuck appropriateness.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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