Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
