I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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