He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
