1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
