You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
COCAINE IS GR8
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
