i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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