Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize