If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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