i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
