I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
