dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
