Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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