i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We are all done wearing pants today
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
