babies were throwing up all over the place
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
