I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
