Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
