why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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