There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
