dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
