my mouth tastes like poor choices
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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