What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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