i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
