I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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