Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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