I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
