i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
