am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
