it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
