i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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