OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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