I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
