So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
