take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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