My cat gives me a boner
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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