How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
