Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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