wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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