i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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