I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
