We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize