fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
