It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
