I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize