on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
