I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
