You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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