I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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