we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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