so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
