Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
