The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
don't judge my taste in strippers
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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