where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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