oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
