I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
