I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
