do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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