The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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