I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
false alarm, still single
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