So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
