Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
